I keep oscillating between depressed and manic. Yesterday I bought a box of 6 fruitsnacks and downed three of them right away. I immeadiately felt fat and hated myself for eating them, but I was feeling so depressed and suicidal I felt like I would eat away my troubles. It obviously didn't work. Now I'm worried I'll have a double-chin for my date on Sunday.
I slept late today just because I couldn't face getting out of bed, and when I finally did, all I wanted to do was get back in bed so I could take a sleeping pill and get away from ruminating and worrying. I stayed awake though and threw my Ipod on and launched myself into housework. That helped a little.
I'm also feeling a little agoraphobic. I was supposed to go to yoga, but couldn't make myself leave the house. I was invited to go dancing on Saturday but I'm so afraid to leave the comfort of my house and to be around alcohol (without drinking any) that I'm not sure I'll be able to force myself to go. All of these things add up to me feeling more suicidal. I don't want to feel this way, but I can't seem to help it. I hope that the increased mood stablizer helps.