Sunday, April 4, 2010

Sister, Sister

I have two sisters.  My one sister hates me.  My memory isn't so good since the ECT, so I don't really remember what our relationship was like before I was diagnosed, but I know that since I was diagnosed, she has practically hated my guts.  She can barely stand to talk to me, and when she does she says mean things to me, inciting me to act outrageously and out of control.  In an earlier blog I think I mentioned that I hit her when I got out of control once.  My other sister loses her patience with me very easily and often choses not to talk to me, even when I call her to talk to her and make things ALL about her.  Needless to say I long for a better relationship with both of my sisters but it is obvious that that is not going to happen.

So, knowing that I would get together with both of them today and that the potential for craziness and danger was high, my therapist left me a message last night, telling me to think with my wise mind and gently avoid them if situations started to appear like they were going to get out of control.  Very good advice.  The only problem is that when they say things to me, it is purely instinct that makes me act the way I do.  All the DBT skills in the world just escape my mind, and I just don't seem to know how to use them.  I've done pretty well so far today, but I've really just tried not to engage with the hateful, evil sister, and tried to maintain just a joking stance with the other sister.  We'll see how the rest of the day goes.  I'll be glad when both of them leave, I think.

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