Tuesday, April 13, 2010
I'm a rapid cycler, and I've definitely been rapid cycling lately. Up, down, up, down. When I'm up-I really feel up-euphoric, happy, elated! Like last week, I went to a symphony with my dad, came home, stayed up super late because sleep just seemed unimportant, and then got up, and felt utterly depressed the entire next day, with seemingly no explanation for it. Yesterday, I felt happy, albeit anxious, but excited because I had a second date with the guy I met on my retreat. Today, I woke up feeling tired and slow and re-running yesterdays events in my head and feeling stupid, sad, and hopeless. I just can't win! Tomorrow I see the doctor and I'm going to tell him that the ativan no longer works on me-even when I take six of them-nada. I'm also going to tell him about the mood swings and the adderall not really having much affect on the anxiety. He'll probably just tell me there's not much more he can do for me medicinally and that it's all up to therapy. Blast.