Today was a tough day. I had DBT, which I dread now-we have added new group members, and I hate it, since it now feels like a support group and less like a class. We hear about everyone's problems, which is fine, until we come to the part where we have to listen to my homework for the week and I have to talk about my problems, then I start to freak a little. I try to be mindful of the class and be in the moment and not think about where I'm going to have lunch, and how much longer it will be before I can take another Ativan, but today that was just impossible. I was certainly thinking with my reasonable mind and not my wise mind.
Then, a few hours went by and I had an appt with my psychiatrist who I see over a tv screen which is so impersonal. I started hyperventilating in the office, my hands were dripping with sweat and my heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest. I tried to make him understand the nature of my anxiety and how crippling it is to my daily life and I think he finally got it. He changed my dosage of Lamictal so that I'm less up and down, and put me on something for the anxiety-back to the Adderall, but a lesser dosage, so hopefully this time, I don't get sick. I won't get the meds until Friday, so two more days of this nonsense and then on to better tomorrows!