Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Mindfulness-can i get to wise mind?

Today was a tough day.  I had DBT, which I dread now-we have added new group members, and I hate it, since it now feels like a support group and less like a class.  We hear about everyone's problems, which is fine, until we come to the part where we have to listen to my homework for the week and I have to talk about my problems, then I start to freak a little.  I try to be mindful of the class and be in the moment and not think about where I'm going to have lunch, and how much longer it will be before I can take another Ativan, but today that was just impossible.  I was certainly thinking with my reasonable mind and not my wise mind.

Then, a few hours went by and I had an appt with my psychiatrist who I see over a tv screen which is so impersonal.  I started hyperventilating in the office, my hands were dripping with sweat and my heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest.  I tried to make him understand the nature of my anxiety and how crippling it is to my daily life and I think he finally got it.  He changed my dosage of Lamictal so that I'm less up and down, and put me on something for the anxiety-back to the Adderall, but a lesser dosage, so hopefully this time, I don't get sick.  I won't get the meds until Friday, so two more days of this nonsense and then on to better tomorrows!

1 comment:

  1. I know how it feels to have to relay your problems in class. I try and be truthful but sometimes i find myself just glossing over the facts. I always wonder what the other people in the group are thinking. Well done for getting through class and trying to use the skills. Hopefully the meds will help your anxiety. xx