"When It's You Against Them"

My aunt sent me a book the other day titled "When It's You Against Them".  It's all about the importance of being positive.  I feel like I'm on positivity overload lately.  I've been employing a technique that I've learned in DBT called "acting the opposite".  It's exactly as it sounds.  If you're feeling a little down, or angry, or whatever, just act the opposite of how you feel which would be happy or positive.  I've taken some cues from this book.  I haven't been feeling bad per se, but definitely anxious, on edge and a having some rage issues, especially with my mom.  She just keeps saying things to set me off!  Today for example I went to get my hair done.  It's already super short, but in a stylish way.  I came home and told her I got my hair done and in a snotty way, she said "was that really necessary"?  I blew up at her!!  Was it really necessary for her to make a bullsh** remark about my hair?  I don't think so.  But of course, I was immeadiately filled with remorse for having acted out, so I tried acting the opposite.  The only problem with this method is that it can sometimes leave you feeling like a phony.

Other times, it can leave you feeling really good.  I've been spending at least two times a week with my new boyfriend now.  I don't act melancholy at all around him because that's not how I feel.  But, I am definitely nervous, so I try and act as confident as I can, which I know, doesn't always come across, I am sure.  But at some point, the mask is going to have to come off and he is going to have to know that I'm a nervous person, that I have mood swings, that I hear voices and that I'm a recovering alcoholic.  That is just so much to throw at a person!  I know I've already said this in past blogs, but this is on my mind so much-I just hope he takes it well.  Last night he told me he loved me again (this is the second time he's said it) and I told him I was falling in love with him too.  I sincerely hope that if he loves me, he can accept all of me-including my flaws.  We'll see.  I hope that I can get my happily ever after.

"Hope floods my heart with delight!
Running on air, mad with life
dizzy, reeling,
Upward I mount-faith is sight,
life is feeling,
Hope is the day-star of might!" -Margaret Witter-Fuller