So, I finally told my boyfriend about the bipolar disorder. My friend told me the other day that I needed to tell him soon, that if I waited much longer it would continue to drive me crazy and that he needed to know sooner rather than later. I agreed with her. I asked her how it would come up? How does one bring up something like this? She said that somehow it would find it's way into conversation. That's exactly what happened.
I asked him earlier on our date tonight if he could have any other job, what would he be? He replied "a psychologist". He then proceeded to tell me about his experience in seeing a counselor and his bout with depression several years ago. Apparently, a counselor told him that he needed to take medication and he scoffed at that. Instantly I started to get uncomfortable and I think he could read my body language. I asked him if he didn't believe in taking meds and he said that he believed that for some people it was necessary. I saw this as my perfect opportunity. I could be brave and tell him, or I could be a chickensh** and not do it. I decided to just rip the bandaid off and go for it. I told him that I took medication, and that I saw two therapists a week and he asked what for. I then told him about the bipolar disorder. He told me his sister had the same thing. He asked how long I had it and I told him. I was shaking and couldn't make eye contact with him I was so freaked out. I told him that if he didn't want to date me anymore, I would understand. He waited until I looked at him and then said that he liked me as a person, as a friend and as his girlfriend and that he loved me and that this didn't change that. Him telling me that he loved me made me feel a little better, but I was still uneasy.
We went to a party after dinner and each kind of mingled in our own separate groups. When it came time for us to leave at the end of the night, he walked me to my car and said "about that thing you told me-I know you're not perfect-I'm not perfect either. I still love you. I love you". That made me feel better. Then, for the first time, I told him I loved him, and I really meant it. I just hope now that he stays with me and doesn't break my heart. I hope he doesn't wake up tomorrow and decide that he doesn't want to be with a crazy girl. Please, don't let him decide that. I would be devastated at this point. I didn't want to let myself love or need him, but I'm past that point. It sucks! I mean, being in love is a good thing, but the being vulnerable part-I hate it! I'll say a prayer tonight that he stays with me. I hope that God is listening.