Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Day One

Today I had DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy). I go each week on Wednesdays.  I woke up today, dreading it, feeling nervous and sick to my stomach, and generally like I wanted to crawl out of my skin.  I have been feeling that terribly anxious feeling for weeks now, coupled with depression, and these mood swings are driving me crazy!  Part of my problem may be my inability to let go, which we talked about today in group.  My therapist said that letting go is like watching a wave (your emotions) come into the shore hard, and then recessing back out into the ocean (letting the emotion go). 

I will work this coming week on letting things go-namely a breakup that happened two years ago.  It's not so much that I miss him, it's that there is so much I don't remember about why we broke up, when, what happened afterward, etc.  I had 12 sessions of ECT and that really did a number on my memory.  Perhaps it's best that I don't remember certain things, but I think it's harder to let go when you don't have all of your questions answered.  Perhaps this coming week will also be a quest to find out the info I'm looking for, and then move on.  I can't stand being stuck.

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